My favorite thing about 2017 so far is the huge outreach on social media, in advertisements, and in everyday life to campaign SELF LOVE. Swimwear ads are FINALLY featuring some “normal” bodies, and social media rockstars are finally showing their cellulite and unflattering poses. I follow a lot of fitness and health conscious people on instagram, and time after time I see them posting about how instagram is a highlight reel of peoples lives that only captures their highest moments and best angles. I’ve known this all along in the back of my mind, but it is still a little disheartening when you see all these perfectly sculpted bodies and abs while I am stuck looking at my increasingly jiggly legs as a result of my weight loss.
Lately I have been feeling amazing, but sometimes I don’t.
Getting healthy is the best thing I could have done. I have built a body that I can be proud of. BUT, just like everyone else, I still have things to be insecure about. People have told me, “Wow you look amazing, I wish I had your body.” I love hearing that, and don’t get me wrong, I do love my body too, most of the time.
In November I hardly ever loved my body. I was basically repulsed anytime I looked in the mirror and saw the extra pounds I had obtained. I hated shopping for clothes, I would try everything to suck in my love handles, and I would hate taking photos with my “skinny friends” because I knew I was going to be the biggest. The hatred I had for my body and myself for letting it get to this point became a viscous cycle. I would feel bad about myself and want to change, but at the same time I couldn’t find the courage to. I spent all my time being self conscious and being envious of others that I couldn’t find enough love for myself to make the change I needed.
I felt sorry for myself, but I didn’t love myself.
FINALLY, I got fed up and decided something had to give. I was tired of being stuck in a pit of hate, loathing, and self pity, so I changed. I don’t know why November 26th was the day or how I maintained this determination, but I am glad I did.
The last few weeks I sort of felt myself falling back into that pit, and that scared the crap out of me. I went on a long vacation this month and got a little off track with my fitness goals. When I came back, I was determined that I would just pick up right where I left off and it would be no big deal, but it wasn’t that easy. I was kind of in a slump and I didn’t know how to escape.
Although I am much smaller now than I was, I still have a lot of things I wish I could change about my new body. First, I wish my thighs and booty were not so jiggly and fat feeling. I have never had this happen to me before, but losing 5 inches per thigh really did a number on them. Blah. Second, I wish my midsection would have a little more curve. I am really square? Third, I wish I could flex my arms and see some kind of muscle. They literally don’t change when I flex……
I wasn’t going back to the old me, so I decided to sit down and reevaluate my goals. My heart really wasn’t into losing much more weight because I am at a happy place (even though I am a few pounds heavier than my initial goal weight). I really want to build muscle and work on creating a shape I would love, so I worked on adjusting my workouts and nutrition to fit those goals. Rethinking what I wanted has helped me turn my insercuities into determination to change.
Still, I felt I needed to do a little something else to get my self love flowing, so I decided I would start a personal campaign of self love through photos. I love photography and creating unique and beautiful photos, so I have promised myself that I will take a photo of myself everyday for the next month to showcase and rid myself of the insecurities and to promote all the love I have for myself.
I encourage y’all to do the same! I am going to use the hashtag #selflovecampign . I will probably be sharing my photos on instagram so y’all be sure to give me a follow @harleeann14 .
Here is today’s photo showcasing my new hair & my favorite thing about every morning COFFEE!!!